interfaith wedding

Interfaith Officiants in New York Work Together to Fashion a Wonderful Wedding Ceremony

August 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Co-officiating an interfaith wedding

In the last year or two it has become common for interfaith marriages to involve two officiants working together to create a wonderful wedding. The bride and the groom each wants to feel that his or her religion is represented and respected.

I have worked with a number of priests over the last few years and always can call on one of them if the couple needs a Christian clergyman. I make a point if getting to know them as people so our relationship is open and easy.

I usually take responsibility for organizing meetings with the couple and the officiant using my Manhattan apartment as a meeting place. When co-officiating an interfaith wedding, these meetings are key. We discuss elements of each religion’s service and script the wedding ceremony. We try and find commonality between the religions and make sure every concern is met.

As a rabbi, co-officiating with a priest is a magical experience. During the marriage ceremony we support one another and even do the pronouncement and benediction together.

One example this team spirit is an upcoming wedding I will co-officiate with a priest this fall at the New York Athletic Club. This is an amazing coming together of interfaith officiants in New York for a magical wedding. The couple, groom Jewish and bride Catholic, contacted me with the Catholic officiant already in place. He was the priest at the church in the town her parents live and she knew him from that connection. He also was active in the New York City community training priests as he had been trained.

I contacted him and we enjoyed a lively and helpful telephone conversation. Then I suggested the couple spend time with him to work out the aspects of the Catholic service they wanted to include in our ceremony.

When the time came for the meeting of the four of us, I hosted in my Manhattan apartment. The priest was due to arrive before the couple; it is important that the two officiants develop this chemistry and commonality of viewpoint before meeting with the couple. In walked a tall, dark and handsome man in his 40s with a twinkle in his eye, and the co-officiation of priest and rabbi had officially begun! We spent some time discussing the aspects of the religious service we would be comfortable with.

The couple arrived about 40 minutes later and we proceeded to script the service. Since the bride is a practicing Catholic she had fairly definite ideas of what she wanted included. We had to work with the language a bit since “Let us Pray,” as an opening of the service, would be foreign to any Jewish person. We also decided to eliminate breaking the glass at the closing, as that would so obviously be a Jewish custom. We chose readings that would bring the two religions together and decided the priest and I would bless the couple together at the end of the service.

After about an hour of discussion we all felt that a respectful service to both religions was achieved. We will meet again closer to the wedding to finalize details. That amount of work and dedication is vital to produce a personal and dual interfaith service. But there is no easy way to achieve it, and I am grateful for the couple’s openness and the priest’s hard work with me.

It is so rewarding and so thrilling to experience this respectful blending of faiths. I can’t wait for the wedding ceremony, and the moment I walk down the aisle arm and arm with the priest.

Rabbi Gloria officiates a baby-naming ceremony at home in Connecticut

August 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Last year I officiated an interfaith wedding in Montauk at Gurney’s Inn on the ocean. The bride and groom chose me and a minister to preside and it was a beautiful and spiritual ceremony. In the audience was the bride’s first cousin who was living in Brooklyn expecting a baby in several months.

This summer I received a call from this new mother, who was moving to Connecticut where her now one-year-old twin boys could experience the outdoors and enjoy proximity to the water. She asked if I would create a baby-naming ceremony for little Everett and Sam.

I visited her and the boys in Brooklyn and learned a great deal about the family and the twins’ different personalities. I traveled by train up to New Haven a few weeks ago and was picked up and whisked off to their new home, under renovation. We set up the service on the front lawn.

The first cousin I married in Montauk was present as were her parents. I felt like a part of the family and we all participated in the Shecheyanu and Kiddish prayer. Then I asked for blessings which were spontaneously given by the 12 people in attendance. After the service, we all ate together and watched the kids play.

How lucky am I to be a part of such wonderful occasions with people with whom I share a history?

An Interfaith Wedding Destination: A Magical Island!

July 12, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple, one from the Catholic faith and the other Jewish had vacationed together on Block Island for years. They met in high school, dated throughout college and decided after taking “time outs” along the way that they were right for each other. I met with them a number of times at their apartment and mine in Manhattan. We constructed the service, talked about marriage and religion for their children. They wanted a Christian co-officiant and I was successful in reaching out to a Pastor on the island.

We crafted the service for this interfaith wedding with the pastor on a four-way conference call and I knew it would be special. He was a Princeton graduate who had been raised by missionary parents doing their work in Japan. His spirituality was in his blood. He even let me practice my classical piano for a recital on the baby grand piano in his church.

Block Island is a charmer off the coast of Rhode Island. It is family-friendly, and small enough to be negotiated with moped or bicycle. Ferries are the only means of transportation there which discourages people from bringing cars. The old Victorian Bed and Breakfasts and grand hotels dot the bluffs and town streets and the Spring House Hotel, where we were, was wonderful. The beaches are pristine and beautiful and the weather hot and perfect for swimming.

The service exceeded my expectations. The Pastor and I locked arms and walked down the aisle together setting a communal tone. He started off talking about religious freedom in Rhode Island and of the oldest synagogue in America located in Newport. I wove in the Jewish prayers, including circling and the Seven Blessings. He spoke about the Book of Ruth- an intermarriage that led to her descendant, the famous King David. I read some pieces the bride and groom had written about each other and tears and laughter filled the audience. This all took place in a gorgeous historic inn on the grass overlooking the water.

How lucky I was to have been to officiate in paradise and meet some wonderful new friends . After the service one man came up to me and said “you should be on television, the two of you together are magical.” How much better could the praise be?

Check out the wonderful catering deparment and Danielle an enthusiastic and organized wedding planner at the hotel. I can highly recommend her. You can reach her at www.Danielle@SpringHouseHotel.com

An Interfaith Wedding on Shelter Island – Two Sailing Companions in Love!

July 7, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A rabbinic colleague of mine recommended a couple to me, who were planning their interfaith wedding ceremony for the end of June this year. They were currently living in Michigan, but had met in college in the East, on the first day of sailing tryouts their freshman year. Both had boats and sailing filled a great deal of their pasts.

Starting off as very good friends, it soon developed into love, and they moved out to Michigan where he had grown up, and where his family still lived.

A Shelter Island Wedding

The bride’s grandmother owned a house in Shelter Island where she spent summers sailing so it was a natural and wonderful idea to hold the wedding there. The couple used an amazing house and grounds belonging to one of the grandmother’s friends. Perched high on a hill overlooking the water, the house was nestled in many acres of grassy lawn with beautiful trees surrounding it. The ceremony and chuppah faced the water; this wedding was simply one of the most picturesque I have ever been fortunate enough to officiate. A tent was set up for the reception and a wonderful band entertained.

The bride’s and groom’s mothers had become best friends through their years of courtship, even vacationing together. When I spoke of the two traditions and families blending together I offered this actual proof as it was embodied in their relationships. This warm and generous family extended their hospitality to me, inviting me to both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

The picture I feature here, below, is of the grandmother and her boyfriend shows up her prior model features and her striking beauty. She and her new boyfriend had both lost spouses of 50 years and clearly were in love. This combination of older and young love made this a particularly magical and touching wedding.

The beautiful grandmother and her new love

A Priest and a Rabbi Co-Officiate a Wedding Ceremony in Puerto Rico

May 2, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

This spring I flew down to Puerto Rico to co-officate the wedding ceremony of a woman who met her man at Duke University 9 years ago. She was from a small town in Puerto Rico, raised Catholic and ended up being a brililant geneticist with a PhD. She met her husband to be at graduate school at Duke where he was going to law school. He was from a conservative Jewish home with a father who was raised Orthodox. During those 9 years they were apart a good amount as he was working in South America, and he learned Spanish as well as Portugese. They decided to marry and do the destination wedding so that her family could all attend.

The priest that they selected was originally born in the Bronx and came to Puerto Rico when he was seven years old. He was warm and welcoming and his first words to the congregation unsolicited by me were “Shabbat Shalom” And then he proceeded to explain the meaning of the word Shalom to those in the audience that were not familiar with it. With the couple’s help he put together a program of the service in Spanish, English and then i added the Hebrew. So we were officiating in three languages.

When it came time for the Kiddish prayer he handed me the kiddish cup without my asking him and made it seem as natural as if he was conducting mass. I said a few words about him and his congregation and we worked together on the blessings and the readings. At the end of the service we embraced the couple and each other and i stayed a while to speak to him about his parrish and his work. It was wonderful how seamless the service was and how whatever rituals and prayers we did from both religions flowed naturally.

Blessings and peace,

Rabbi Gloria Milner

Central Park Wedding in Bloom: Rabbi Gloria Officiates An Interfaith Marriage

April 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple contacted me from Miami to do a wedding at the Central Park Conservatory Garden in April this year. They had met 11 years before and their paths had gone in separate directions. After reconnecting it didn’t take long for the groom to say “This is the woman I want to marry.”

They got engaged in Central Park and decided they also wanted to get married there so they could return and relive the moment. It was an interfaith marriage ceremony and the groom’s father wanted to read from Corinthians which we put in as part of the service.

The prior day was cold and rainy and the day of their wedding was cloudy in the morning but by the time the ceremony was due to start the sun started peeking out of the clouds. The Conservatory Garden at 105th and 5th Ave is a public space that the couple rented. In full bloom, the cherry trees and flowers were exquisite in their pinks and whites.

The small group of people assembled was relaxed and warm; there was a laid back, relaxed feeling to the event. Because it was a public space we had as many onlookers as guests at the ceremony. I felt as though I had performed a wedding for many more people than the ones invited. There is nothing more gorgeous than a Central Park wedding in bloom; it was a truly beautiful day!

An appreciative bride and groom made my job a delight and I can’t wait to visit Miami and catch up with them.

Interfaith Wedding: How Two Religions Can Coexist in a Moment of Time

January 15, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Two months ago a couple came to me and said they are getting married in a short period of time and could I do the wedding. He was an Israeli born man, living in New York and not affiliated with any synagogue. His wife to be was from California but lived many places in the world including a 4 year stint in South Korea where she taught English. She was brought up Christian but did not practice. They had tried to find a rabbi to marry them but most had turned them down due to the interfaith nature of the marriage. They then chose the Ethical Culture Society in New York City which embodied their values to hold the service.

I worked with them in my apartment to fashion the service and found out that the bride’s parents and relatives had embraced Fundamentalist Christianity. She said that they were really signed on to Judaism as the “Old Testament” the Torah was very important to them. They were familiar with all the stories and history of the matriarchs and patriarchs of Judaism. I thought this would be interesting to have Christian people so involved with some of the prayers I would speak about on the wedding day.

The groom had arranged for an amazing traditional Jewish ceremony that could harken back to the European small villages throughout the centuries. When guests arrived a Klezmer band was playing all the traditional Yiddish melodies. He had selected the family of the bride to be the carriers of the Chupah- one on each side of the four poles. They were grateful to have this honor. The Israeli family who flew in from Israel for the wedding did the Kiddish, Sheckyanu and the Seven wedding blessings. The mother of the bride did a Christian prayer and all were under the chuppah together.

The bride’s niece was speaking to me before the service, a lovely girl of 8 all dressed up. She explained this was her first wedding- and it was a Jewish wedding something she never expected to attend. She asked me who I was and I said I was the rabbi. She said “Where is your black coat and black hat ?” I explained that was the tradition of very religious Jews and only men wore them. She was very excited to actually meet a rabbi and told me that she was going home in a day or two and was going to write an essay about what a wonderful experience she had at this wedding. Out of the mouths of babes sometimes comes amazing truths and questions. I thought to myself how beautifully the two families got along and I wished life could be some seamlessly connected among different religions. I guess we have to settle for a few moments of beauty.

An Independence Day Interfaith Wedding

August 26, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A magical interfaith wedding at which I officiated took place this July 4th in Red Hook, Brooklyn. The Liberty Warehouse where it was held juts out into the water and faces the Statue of Liberty. July 4th was the day the statue was reopened this year to the public, having been closed since Hurricane Sandy.

The couple’s backgrounds made the statue an integral part of the ceremony. Present at the wedding ceremony was the bride’s 90-year-old grandmother, who had survived the Holocaust by posing as a Catholic Polish girl. She was put to work during the War in a munitions factory, and of course came to this country through Ellis Island. She stayed here in America with relatives in America who took her in after the war. On the other hand, the groom’s U.S descendants dated back to 1684. A relative on his mother’s side was a signer of the Declaration of Independence. The two powerful threads of Freedom and Independence embodied both of these families.

I met with the couple several times to prepare the service. The bride gave me a DVD that her grandmother made from the Shoah Foundation; this was a fascinating account of her grandmother’s life in a verbal history. It was so inspiring to watch! I learned that both the bride and groom were tremendous athletes and shared many common interests. They had met in the laundry room of their lower east side building. She was even teaching him Yiddish.

Performing the interfaith ceremony while the sun set on the Statue of Liberty I thought how blessed and fortunate I was to be a part of this incredible July 4th celebration of marriage and of life.

Watch a short video of Sarah & Bobby from Kiss The Bride Films.

Also, check out the lovely wedding website on Carats and Cake.com

And here is the website of the brilliant event planner, “Ang Weddings and Events,” a boutique event planning company founded by Tzo Ai Ang and based in New York City. Ang Weddings and Events

A Rabbi and a Priest Co-officiate in Basking Ridge, N.J.

August 22, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

It was such a pleasure to co-officiate a wonderful interfaith wedding at the Dolce Hotel, in Basking Ridge N.J. The couple, bride Russian Jewish and the Groom Catholic with some Russian blood came to me many months ago and asked if I would co- officiate with the groom’s father’s priest. The father of the groom had attended this church for many years and it was important to have Father Joe present at the ceremony. I agreed and right there in my apartment the four of us set out to create the service. We were able to weave together the unity candle and the Baal Shem Tov’s (father of Hasidism) concept of light. And when it came time for the Sign of Peace I spoke about the concept of Shalom which of course means peace in Hebrew but also involves a spiritual wholeness and peace of mind.

We combined “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” from the Song of Songs King Solomon from the Jewish tradition with the standard vows, “Do you take…..” . Even the Lord’s Prayer was said in the context of the prayers of all people for peace and well being. Father Joe spoke of this sacred prayer to Christianity in the context of the Jewish religion. Indeed he was a lively and warm person who was so easy to work with. The audience and couple responded to our camaraderie and respect for one another. We were relaxed, comfortable with one another and respected each other’s part of the service

The result a comprehensive and beautiful service that presented the best of both faiths in a loving way. So many guests stopped us both after the ceremony to say how moved and delighted they were in weaving it together. It takes, work, enthusiasm and care, but it will be the prototype for more that I will do.

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A Plaza Hotel Wedding: co-officiating a beautiful interfaith wedding!

August 13, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

I was on the ferry from Montauk, New York to Block Island, Rhode Island two months ago when a call came into my cell. A pleasant male voice asked if I was Rabbi Gloria and then proceeded to tell me his interfaith wedding ceremony, planned for just a few short weeks away, was “rabbi-less.” There was a problem with the rabbi they had formally chosen and they were in need a of substitute to co-officiate. Being free on the date of their marriage, I asked the venue. “The Plaza Hotel in New York City,” he replied, “With about 275 people coming in attendance.”

Fast forward a week: I met with the couple and their friend Wesley who was a Universalist Minister and was to co-officiate. The four of us created a beautiful service and both the bride and Wesley, who were from Taiwan, expressed interest in learning more about Judaism.

I was unprepared for just how intimidating the Plaza Hotel ballroom, where I was to officiate, can be. It was a product of the early part of the 1900s, with soaring ceilings, beautiful woodwork, detailing and amazing balconies. The decorations for the wedding were incredible. Candles everywhere, flowers overflowing and lights illuminating the gold fixtures. The chupah was located on the stage, and we rehearsed as if it were a Broadway production. Lights, audio, video; I truly felt like I was beginning my theatrical career.

But then the moment came: the bride and groom were in front of me – a drop-dead gorgeous woman and her handsome groom. Their warmth and love for one another was so apparent. I concentrated on the spiritual service at hand and felt gratitude that I had been selected to lead this service in such a historic, elegant and magnificent setting.