Rabbi Gloria

Independent New York City Rabbi: Destination Weddings · Interfaith Weddings · Jewish Weddings · Baby Namings

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Baby Naming with a Million Dollar View

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Baby naming with a million dollar view

What does a couple do during the pandemic that is raging in NYC? Go to the roof garden of their Astoria apartment house with an amazing view for a baby naming ceremony. The attendees were her parents, their son, her sister on zoom, and me in the cranberry ski jacket.

We had a family kiddish cup and I prepared a loving service inclusive of songs at the beginning and end. The mother explained the baby’s name, which linked him with deceased relatives. It was one of the most heartfelt baby naming officiating I have done in my career.

When life serves you lemons, of course, make lemonade.

An Intimate Chelsea Garden Wedding in the Age of Covid

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Several months ago I received a call from the mother of a bride who was organizing her daughter’s wedding. They had selected a small Italian restaurant in Chelsea that had a garden to accommodate the 70 guests. I met with the couple in my apartment and sketched out the service.

Then came Covid and of course that restaurant, like all others in Manhattan, closed in March. I heard from the mother again a month ago to say that the couple wanted to go check with the date 6/27 but the guest list was relegated to two sets of parents, bride, groom and me. The garden was perfect for social distancing and putting up a chuppah.

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The day of the wedding dawned and several sets of thunderstorms were predicted. Fortunately the garden had an overhang, and we could sign the civil license and Ketubah using the shelter of the overhang while rain hailed down. The parents read several Hebrew blessings and the bride and groom wrote their own vows. I talked about how wonderful to make this happen for the couple.

It all felt normal except for mask and social distancing. The restaurant provided a bottle of champagne and the bride bought a wonderful cake.

invitation

They live-streamed the service to their 70 friends and plan to have the reception when it is safe to do that. Otherwise, it was among the most intimate and warm services I have prepared.

It’s all in the Family Baby Naming

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It’s all in the Family Baby NamingThis spring, I had the wonderful opportunity for the third event of this beautiful family. I officiated the wedding of this couple, did the baby naming for the daughter in the picture and officiated the baby naming for the son.

Over many years this family and I got together as friends. Incredible to see the kids grow. The other magical thing is I see the grandparents, friends of theirs, and extended family. They have welcomed me into their clan, and I am blessed.

A New York City Love Story

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A New York City Love StoryI officiated a wedding for a lovely Russian groom three years ago in Manhattan. His brother contacted me almost a year ago to say he wanted me to officiate this past July in Long Island City at the Foundry a wonderful industrial event space.

His meeting of the bride read like a movie script that could only take place in New York City. His bride was vacationing from Australia and went to a bar two nights before she was to return home. She met her husband to be there and after spending many hours with him changed her plane tickets. They saw each other constantly, and he flew to Australia to meet her parents.

Seven months after their meeting they decided to marry and I worked with them on the service. She was raised Christian and wanted her mother to do a reading from the New Testament as well as a Unity Candle. Her parents, siblings and dog flew from Melbourne and planned the wedding in short notice.

As evidenced by their beaming faces this one ecstatic couple. They plan to live here for the moment but Australia is not out of the picture. Where else but NY can a drink at a bar change someone’s life?

A lovely house baby naming

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Rabbi Gloria with a couple and their babyA couple called me Mother’s Day weekend this year to ask me to officiate their son’s naming. The rabbi who had been engaged to do the event disappeared on the couple and with invites out and date set they were looking for help.

I told them I was free on the June date, and we proceeded to have Facetime calls. The baby was named for the grandfather who had passed away within the year. We scripted a service and I drove out to a lovely suburban New Jersey town where family and friends gathered.

It was so warm and low key- service in the living room, brunch buffet in the open kitchen and seating on the patio. Add to it a beautiful June day and a smiling baby boy and it added up to a wonderful event.

Interfaith News article featuring Rabbi Gloria

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wedding ringsOn the NYU Journalism Projects Newsroom site, Rabbi Gloria was featured in an article about Independent Rabbis performing Interfaith Ceremonies. Here is an excerpt:

“When Ashley Howard, 33, and Ramit Singh, 35, married in September, they had two ceremonies – one Jewish, one Hindu.

Although they originally planned one ceremony combining customs from each religion, their parents did not approve of the arrangement.

‘They said, ‘either have no tradition at all, or do it right’,’ Howard said.

The couple opted for tradition, with modern modifications. A priest conducted a Hindu ceremony in both Hindi and English. The Jewish ceremony was lead by Gloria Milner, an independent, Manhattan-based rabbi who is unaffiliated with a standard Jewish denomination.

Rabbi Milner is one of more than a dozen independent Jewish clergy in the New York area who specialize in officiating for interfaith couples, according to TheKnot.com. A majority of American Jews are married to someone outside the faith, according to a 2013 study by the Pew Research Center, and officiants like Rabbi Milner fill a void often left by traditional Jewish institutions.

Orthodox and Conservative rabbis are not permitted to marry interfaith couples. Reform rabbis, who represent American Judaism’s largest denomination, according to Pew, may do so at their own discretion. Just over half do, estimated Rabbi Hara Person, chief strategy officer at the Central Conference of American Rabbis.

However, mainstream Judaism’s reluctance to accept intermarriage has not stopped its prevalence. The intermarriage rate rose every decade between 1970 and 2000, and stabilized at 58 percent between 2000 and 2013, according to Pew.

A recent analysis released in June by the Jewish People Policy Institute utilizing Pew’s data found that nearly three-quarters of married, non-ultra-orthodox Jews in their 30s have a non-Jewish spouse. That rate still holds true today, according to Steven M. Cohen, research professor of Jewish Social Policy at Hebrew Union College–Jewish Institute of Religion.

Rabbi Milner, who has been officiating for eight years, presides over about 20 weddings per year, and she estimated that 70 percent of the couples she officiates for are interfaith. She frequently co-officiates with clergy from other faiths.

Several years ago, she conducted a ceremony combining Jewish and Greek Orthodox wedding traditions for a couple who had trouble finding a traditional officiant from either faith. She penned a blog about the ceremony after. ‘I became this expert in Greek-Jewish weddings,’ she said, ‘so a lot of people contacted me that had this same problem.'”

Read the full article here:
For Interfaith Couples, Independent Rabbis Fill Void Left By Jewish Institutions

An Indian Jewish Destination Wedding

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interfaith-jewish-hindu-brideA year ago I was contacted by a couple that was referred by another bride and groom I married in the past. He was Indian, multi talented, being a lawyer, entrepreneur, and band manager all rolled up in one. She was Jewish, a world traveler, and yoga consultant to corporations.

We met at my apartment and started planning the service. I then met her mother who visited her from Florida and got to know another family member. The Groom’s mother was deeply interested in having a traditional ritual Indian wedding and the Jewish family wanted a spiritual Jewish service as well.

interfaith-jewish-hindu-bothThe couple decided that the Indian service would be in the morning with a Hindu priest officiating in English as well as using Sanskrit prayers. He would explain all the rituals in English. It would start with the groom atop a white horse coming to the venue and then dismounting and walking to the ceremony with his parents.

The Jewish service was humanistic with prayers over wine, thanksgiving prayer, and seven blessings. The benediction was given at the end and the glass was broken. I attended the Indian service in the morning and was able to incorporate what I witnessed into my service that afternoon. There were so many commonalities. The canopy Jews call a Chupah was a Mandap in the Indian service. They circled around as the Jewish 7 circles. The groom stepped on a clay pot in much the same way as the Jewish service has the breaking of the glass. And the parents sit under the mandap as the parents participate under the chuppah.

interfaith-jewish-hindu-groomI was blessed to officiate this wedding and learn so much about the Hindu religion and service. The destination was Beacon NY which was picture perfect September weather. The day before I visited DIA Beacon, an amazing modern art museum and walked the beautiful country paths. How lucky I was to be a part of this wonderful weekend wedding!

Destination Interfaith Wedding in Cape May

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KetubahA couple contacted me over a year ago and asked if I would officiate an interfaith wedding in Cape May. The Bride’s family owned a vacation home there and she had been going to this town since childhood. I had always wanted to visit this historic Victorian village myself and in meeting with the couple was impressed with their warmth and sincerity. It was a go.

 

bride and groom in Cape MayWe worked on the service at my apartment in NYC and theirs in Brooklyn. We talked about the closeness they felt for their respective families and the Christian/Jewish backgrounds they came from. Finally our collaboration produced a wonderful service. Part of it was a section where bride and groom wrote a series of paragraphs about each other. Using humor and pathos they fashioned a profile of the other quite personal and heartfelt. The picture included here reflects this.

Bride and Groom on the beach in Cape MayThe wedding day was glorious weather wise and they were married at a yacht club overlooking the water. Low key and elegant the wedding was a joy to attend.

I had been invited to a brunch the next morning at her parent’s home which was a large well appointed house. Her 85 year old grandmother and I bonded and I met many new friends there I hope to see in the fall. All in all a beach vacation of sorts for me and a labor of love.

A Purim Babynaming – Queen for the Day

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   One of the first weddings I facilitated, over six years ago, occurred on the Jewish holiday of Purim, a joyous and festive one.  The couple had met on Purim and wanted their wedding in Manhattan to be an outdoor rooftop celebration.  I worked with them for a few months leading up to  the affair and we grew to become great friends.  The wedding was wonderfully spirited and full of life.

Purim Babynaming

 
   Fast forward, six years, and they had moved from East Village to Long Island City to New Rochelle.  They now had an almost two-year-old daughter.  They wanted a baby naming ceremony for her and of course it had to be on Purim, which was March 12th of this year.
 
   We all gathered in their living room and I saw the family I had met six years earlier.  The little girl was happy to join in the songs and listen to her Hebrew name. We all said the prayers together.  
 

     Of course, a wonderful part of the holiday involves eating hamantaschen, pictured here.  We enjoyed delicious pastries in the shape of a  three-cornered hat.  That was the hat of Hamen, the villian of this story, who wanted to destroy the Jews.  The heroine was Queen Esther, who appealed to the King to save her people, and prevailed. 

 
 
     Witness the crown on the little girl who represents our modern day Esther, growing up to be a strong  woman.
 
     How lucky I was to share this Purim Babynaming and holiday with old friends and bring a little girl into the Jewish world.

How to Find an Interfaith Wedding Officiant in the New York Area

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You are getting married.  You have been together and have made the big decision.  You come from different backgrounds or perhaps different countries.  Your family has accepted/made peace with the decision/ empowered you both/ or is very troubled.  Pick the option that fits you or add your own. 

Finding an interfaith wedding officiant

Now  the search begins.  As you may or may not know most synagogue rabbis will not marry an interfaith couple in the synagogue itself.  As an independent rabbi in NYC, I know that reform rabbis can at their discretion perform the ceremony in an outside venue.  Ministers generally will have an easier time than Catholic priests who often have to get permission to preside  outside of the church.  These are generalizations and of course there are many New York City officiants who don’t fit into these categories    If you know friends or family who have had such a wedding you should of course ask for recommendations. This is the single best way of knowing who you will work with since the couple is happy with him or her.   If you don’t know anyone from a personal referral on to the internet.

So now armed with your iphone, ipad, laptop, etc. you start searching the net for interfaith officiants.  It is important to check out their sites carefully, finding out how long they have been officiating, where they were ordained and of course what their philosophy on marriage and ceremonies is.  Hopefully you can see pictures of them in action and testimonials.  If any of this resonates with you both you should email or call the person and have a conversation on the phone.  That will tell you a lot about the person and also whether you are comfortable with what they say.  Are they willing to do a service that is creative and personal to you?  Are they comfortable to work with a co-officiant if your fiance wants the other religion represented as well.

Next step is meeting the person.  You should have an emotional connection with the wedding ceremony officiant.  After all, it is your wedding and you want someone who relates to both of you and listens to you.  Listen to your heart.  There are many people out there so you can interview a few but go with your gut feeling.  Make sure you have a contract that itemizes date, time, fee and is signed by both parties.  That way your date is reserved during a busy summer wedding season.  You should try and meet together a few times to fashion the service and be comfortable that it is respectful to both faiths.    

The picture below is of an interfaith wedding ceremony I performed in the beautiful island of Bermuda.   

Try and give yourself as much time before the wedding to do this search.  The ceremony should be the core of your special day and you want to employ the best person for you.   All this takes time and some effort on your part but is well worth the time.  I have officiated at many interfaith weddings the last three years and have helped to make the day magical to many couples. 

Happy hunting!

 

TESTIMONIALS FOR RABBI GLORIA