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An Interfaith Wedding in the Hamptons

September 27, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

I was contacted by a distraught bride almost a year ago. She is Jewish and her husband-to-be (at the time) is Christian. She wanted a rabbi and minister to officiate and all the officiants in the synagogues of the area turned her down because she would not commit to raising her children Jewish. She said to me later, “I’m 41 and don’t know if I will have children but I didn’t feel I had to commit to that to get married.”

They set up a date to meet me in East Hampton and insisted on taking me out to eat in a local restaurant. That was a first in a couple’s generosity for me. The groom is a personal chef and the owner of Michael’s Restaurant where everyone knew him well. We got royal treatment, even a very special bottle of wine. I sat for a few hours with them and felt a warmth and camaraderie. We just clicked and that made preparing the service effortless. What helped as well is that the bride is a librarian in the local school system and did her homework. She searched the net and bookstores for information on interfaith weddings and taught me a thing or two.

They were having a good friend of the groom’s co-officiate- a lovely Hispanic man. We all sat together one spring day on the couple’s deck with her parents in attendance. We ate the chef’s chocolate chip cookies and planned the service together.

The venue was Gurney’s Inn in Montauk– one of the most beautiful waterfront sites on the east end. They did a barefoot beachfront wedding. The weather was amazing-late afternoon with sun not too hot and a delightful breeze. They did their procession to “Somewhere Beyond the Sea.” We even did a sand ceremony with the two mothers bringing sand from their respective homes pouring two vessels into one. The symbolism is two cultures and religions into one.

Their incredible band made dancing a total joy- I was called the “Bopping Rabbi.”

I wish them much sun and joy for the future in their lives.

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http://www.gurneysinn.com/

Down on the Farm with an Interfaith Wedding

September 12, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A Boston-based couple called me to officiate their interfaith wedding. They decided to take over a ten-acre farm and hold the ceremony and reception in a restored barn. The cottages on the acres had been remodeled and were exquisite as was the main farm house. The barn was huge and beautifully beamed.

I happen to have a brother who lives near Boston so in visiting him I met with the couple twice in their loft apartment. Then they came down to New York to visit relatives, so we had opportunities to establish a good relationship. They were both tech managers: brilliant, hard working and on an intensive traveling schedule. They had been together for a number of years and their ease together was apparent. They were tremendous foodies as well and I loved hearing about their latest culinary adventures.

The farm was close to Lenox Massachusetts, which is a beautiful village in the Berkshires. I came up the night before the ceremony and met both families at a local bar. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. We had written the service to include a reading by the bride’s aunt from Mark Twain on marriage. The groom’s uncle did a John Lennon reading of the song Love.

After the ceremony there was an 8-piece band rocking the night away. I danced and celebrated with them and the barn atmosphere made it feel “down home” and comfortable. They had it catered and of course, the Bar B Q, Mac and Cheese and salads were to die for. Their food expertise showed.

It was one of the most warm and loving weddings. Walking the beautiful grounds, having the ceremony in a rustic elegant farm and eating and drinking first class made it all very special. The couple’s infectious warmth and friendship made it most memorable indeed.

Interfaith Officiants in New York Work Together to Fashion a Wonderful Wedding Ceremony

August 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Co-officiating an interfaith wedding

In the last year or two it has become common for interfaith marriages to involve two officiants working together to create a wonderful wedding. The bride and the groom each wants to feel that his or her religion is represented and respected.

I have worked with a number of priests over the last few years and always can call on one of them if the couple needs a Christian clergyman. I make a point if getting to know them as people so our relationship is open and easy.

I usually take responsibility for organizing meetings with the couple and the officiant using my Manhattan apartment as a meeting place. When co-officiating an interfaith wedding, these meetings are key. We discuss elements of each religion’s service and script the wedding ceremony. We try and find commonality between the religions and make sure every concern is met.

As a rabbi, co-officiating with a priest is a magical experience. During the marriage ceremony we support one another and even do the pronouncement and benediction together.

One example this team spirit is an upcoming wedding I will co-officiate with a priest this fall at the New York Athletic Club. This is an amazing coming together of interfaith officiants in New York for a magical wedding. The couple, groom Jewish and bride Catholic, contacted me with the Catholic officiant already in place. He was the priest at the church in the town her parents live and she knew him from that connection. He also was active in the New York City community training priests as he had been trained.

I contacted him and we enjoyed a lively and helpful telephone conversation. Then I suggested the couple spend time with him to work out the aspects of the Catholic service they wanted to include in our ceremony.

When the time came for the meeting of the four of us, I hosted in my Manhattan apartment. The priest was due to arrive before the couple; it is important that the two officiants develop this chemistry and commonality of viewpoint before meeting with the couple. In walked a tall, dark and handsome man in his 40s with a twinkle in his eye, and the co-officiation of priest and rabbi had officially begun! We spent some time discussing the aspects of the religious service we would be comfortable with.

The couple arrived about 40 minutes later and we proceeded to script the service. Since the bride is a practicing Catholic she had fairly definite ideas of what she wanted included. We had to work with the language a bit since “Let us Pray,” as an opening of the service, would be foreign to any Jewish person. We also decided to eliminate breaking the glass at the closing, as that would so obviously be a Jewish custom. We chose readings that would bring the two religions together and decided the priest and I would bless the couple together at the end of the service.

After about an hour of discussion we all felt that a respectful service to both religions was achieved. We will meet again closer to the wedding to finalize details. That amount of work and dedication is vital to produce a personal and dual interfaith service. But there is no easy way to achieve it, and I am grateful for the couple’s openness and the priest’s hard work with me.

It is so rewarding and so thrilling to experience this respectful blending of faiths. I can’t wait for the wedding ceremony, and the moment I walk down the aisle arm and arm with the priest.

An Interfaith Wedding Destination: A Magical Island!

July 12, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple, one from the Catholic faith and the other Jewish had vacationed together on Block Island for years. They met in high school, dated throughout college and decided after taking “time outs” along the way that they were right for each other. I met with them a number of times at their apartment and mine in Manhattan. We constructed the service, talked about marriage and religion for their children. They wanted a Christian co-officiant and I was successful in reaching out to a Pastor on the island.

We crafted the service for this interfaith wedding with the pastor on a four-way conference call and I knew it would be special. He was a Princeton graduate who had been raised by missionary parents doing their work in Japan. His spirituality was in his blood. He even let me practice my classical piano for a recital on the baby grand piano in his church.

Block Island is a charmer off the coast of Rhode Island. It is family-friendly, and small enough to be negotiated with moped or bicycle. Ferries are the only means of transportation there which discourages people from bringing cars. The old Victorian Bed and Breakfasts and grand hotels dot the bluffs and town streets and the Spring House Hotel, where we were, was wonderful. The beaches are pristine and beautiful and the weather hot and perfect for swimming.

The service exceeded my expectations. The Pastor and I locked arms and walked down the aisle together setting a communal tone. He started off talking about religious freedom in Rhode Island and of the oldest synagogue in America located in Newport. I wove in the Jewish prayers, including circling and the Seven Blessings. He spoke about the Book of Ruth- an intermarriage that led to her descendant, the famous King David. I read some pieces the bride and groom had written about each other and tears and laughter filled the audience. This all took place in a gorgeous historic inn on the grass overlooking the water.

How lucky I was to have been to officiate in paradise and meet some wonderful new friends . After the service one man came up to me and said “you should be on television, the two of you together are magical.” How much better could the praise be?

Check out the wonderful catering deparment and Danielle an enthusiastic and organized wedding planner at the hotel. I can highly recommend her. You can reach her at www.Danielle@SpringHouseHotel.com

An Interfaith Wedding on Shelter Island – Two Sailing Companions in Love!

July 7, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A rabbinic colleague of mine recommended a couple to me, who were planning their interfaith wedding ceremony for the end of June this year. They were currently living in Michigan, but had met in college in the East, on the first day of sailing tryouts their freshman year. Both had boats and sailing filled a great deal of their pasts.

Starting off as very good friends, it soon developed into love, and they moved out to Michigan where he had grown up, and where his family still lived.

A Shelter Island Wedding

The bride’s grandmother owned a house in Shelter Island where she spent summers sailing so it was a natural and wonderful idea to hold the wedding there. The couple used an amazing house and grounds belonging to one of the grandmother’s friends. Perched high on a hill overlooking the water, the house was nestled in many acres of grassy lawn with beautiful trees surrounding it. The ceremony and chuppah faced the water; this wedding was simply one of the most picturesque I have ever been fortunate enough to officiate. A tent was set up for the reception and a wonderful band entertained.

The bride’s and groom’s mothers had become best friends through their years of courtship, even vacationing together. When I spoke of the two traditions and families blending together I offered this actual proof as it was embodied in their relationships. This warm and generous family extended their hospitality to me, inviting me to both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

The picture I feature here, below, is of the grandmother and her boyfriend shows up her prior model features and her striking beauty. She and her new boyfriend had both lost spouses of 50 years and clearly were in love. This combination of older and young love made this a particularly magical and touching wedding.

The beautiful grandmother and her new love

Central Park Wedding in Bloom: Rabbi Gloria Officiates An Interfaith Marriage

April 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple contacted me from Miami to do a wedding at the Central Park Conservatory Garden in April this year. They had met 11 years before and their paths had gone in separate directions. After reconnecting it didn’t take long for the groom to say “This is the woman I want to marry.”

They got engaged in Central Park and decided they also wanted to get married there so they could return and relive the moment. It was an interfaith marriage ceremony and the groom’s father wanted to read from Corinthians which we put in as part of the service.

The prior day was cold and rainy and the day of their wedding was cloudy in the morning but by the time the ceremony was due to start the sun started peeking out of the clouds. The Conservatory Garden at 105th and 5th Ave is a public space that the couple rented. In full bloom, the cherry trees and flowers were exquisite in their pinks and whites.

The small group of people assembled was relaxed and warm; there was a laid back, relaxed feeling to the event. Because it was a public space we had as many onlookers as guests at the ceremony. I felt as though I had performed a wedding for many more people than the ones invited. There is nothing more gorgeous than a Central Park wedding in bloom; it was a truly beautiful day!

An appreciative bride and groom made my job a delight and I can’t wait to visit Miami and catch up with them.

What is the “Chuppah” in a Jewish Wedding Ceremony?

March 19, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

The beautiful and unique “chuppah,” from the Hebrew word, חוּפָּה, is one of the most recognizable parts of a Jewish wedding ceremony. The chuppah symbolizes the new home that the couple will share as husband and wife, and consists of a canopy attached to four poles which are either stationary or held by chuppah bearers. This canopy is often gorgeous, made of beautifully colored velvet, lace, tulle, or even silk. It is sometimes covered by a Jewish prayer shawl, known as a tallit.

During a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride and groom stand under the chuppah. Just as Abraham and Sarah’s tent was open on all sides to welcome people, the chuppah also represents hospitality to the couple’s guests. In a spiritual sense, the canopy over the chuppah symbolizes God’s presence over the covenant of marriage.

Since in Orthodox Judaism, it is ideal that there open sky directly above the chuppah, wedding ceremonies are often held outdoors.

It is a wonderful experience, for me as a Rabbi, to be part of this beautiful tradition. Under the chuppah are wine, cups and a glass that will be broken. I recite blessings and prayers, oversee the giving of the ring or rings, and share aloud the Ketubah, a type of Jewish prenuptial agreement, outling the rights and responsibilities of the groom, in relation to the bride. I may read poetry and lead the couple in the vows they have chosen.

It is a thrilling and almost mystical experience to help orchestrate these moments, combining two lives in such a traditional and powerful way.

The Wonderful Baseball Wedding in New York

November 14, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A Baseball Wedding!

A Jersey guy and a girl from Florida met at a bar in Atlantic City that he was managing at the time. The Yankees were usually not on the TBS network, but were that night in the bar. She stayed to watch because they were being shown. The rest as they say is baseball history.

They went to a game on their first date and continued their romance via bus from NYC to Atlantic City on the Greyhound.

He proposed during the 6th inning of a Yankee game and they and their friends all went out afterwards to celebrate.

This wonderful baseball wedding was held on a beautiful rooftop of the Brooklyn Sheraton. While the day was overcast, by evening, when the ceremony took place, the sun shone and we were treated to a phenomenal sunset.

In keeping with the baseball tradition his good friend carried his own child who carried a baseball mitt in one hand. In the mitt were – you guessed it – the rings! The child was the ring bearer.

At the end we all yelled “Play Ball.” A very happy ending to this “game ” of love.

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An Independence Day Interfaith Wedding

August 26, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A magical interfaith wedding at which I officiated took place this July 4th in Red Hook, Brooklyn. The Liberty Warehouse where it was held juts out into the water and faces the Statue of Liberty. July 4th was the day the statue was reopened this year to the public, having been closed since Hurricane Sandy.

The couple’s backgrounds made the statue an integral part of the ceremony. Present at the wedding ceremony was the bride’s 90-year-old grandmother, who had survived the Holocaust by posing as a Catholic Polish girl. She was put to work during the War in a munitions factory, and of course came to this country through Ellis Island. She stayed here in America with relatives in America who took her in after the war. On the other hand, the groom’s U.S descendants dated back to 1684. A relative on his mother’s side was a signer of the Declaration of Independence. The two powerful threads of Freedom and Independence embodied both of these families.

I met with the couple several times to prepare the service. The bride gave me a DVD that her grandmother made from the Shoah Foundation; this was a fascinating account of her grandmother’s life in a verbal history. It was so inspiring to watch! I learned that both the bride and groom were tremendous athletes and shared many common interests. They had met in the laundry room of their lower east side building. She was even teaching him Yiddish.

Performing the interfaith ceremony while the sun set on the Statue of Liberty I thought how blessed and fortunate I was to be a part of this incredible July 4th celebration of marriage and of life.

Watch a short video of Sarah & Bobby from Kiss The Bride Films.

Also, check out the lovely wedding website on Carats and Cake.com

And here is the website of the brilliant event planner, “Ang Weddings and Events,” a boutique event planning company founded by Tzo Ai Ang and based in New York City. Ang Weddings and Events

A Plaza Hotel Wedding: co-officiating a beautiful interfaith wedding!

August 13, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

I was on the ferry from Montauk, New York to Block Island, Rhode Island two months ago when a call came into my cell. A pleasant male voice asked if I was Rabbi Gloria and then proceeded to tell me his interfaith wedding ceremony, planned for just a few short weeks away, was “rabbi-less.” There was a problem with the rabbi they had formally chosen and they were in need a of substitute to co-officiate. Being free on the date of their marriage, I asked the venue. “The Plaza Hotel in New York City,” he replied, “With about 275 people coming in attendance.”

Fast forward a week: I met with the couple and their friend Wesley who was a Universalist Minister and was to co-officiate. The four of us created a beautiful service and both the bride and Wesley, who were from Taiwan, expressed interest in learning more about Judaism.

I was unprepared for just how intimidating the Plaza Hotel ballroom, where I was to officiate, can be. It was a product of the early part of the 1900s, with soaring ceilings, beautiful woodwork, detailing and amazing balconies. The decorations for the wedding were incredible. Candles everywhere, flowers overflowing and lights illuminating the gold fixtures. The chupah was located on the stage, and we rehearsed as if it were a Broadway production. Lights, audio, video; I truly felt like I was beginning my theatrical career.

But then the moment came: the bride and groom were in front of me – a drop-dead gorgeous woman and her handsome groom. Their warmth and love for one another was so apparent. I concentrated on the spiritual service at hand and felt gratitude that I had been selected to lead this service in such a historic, elegant and magnificent setting.