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An Independence Day Interfaith Wedding
A magical interfaith wedding at which I officiated took place this July 4th in Red Hook, Brooklyn. The Liberty Warehouse where it was held juts out into the water and faces the Statue of Liberty. July 4th was the day the statue was reopened this year to the public, having been closed since Hurricane Sandy.
The couple’s backgrounds made the statue an integral part of the ceremony. Present at the wedding ceremony was the bride’s 90-year-old grandmother, who had survived the Holocaust by posing as a Catholic Polish girl. She was put to work during the War in a munitions factory, and of course came to this country through Ellis Island. She stayed here in America with relatives in America who took her in after the war. On the other hand, the groom’s U.S descendants dated back to 1684. A relative on his mother’s side was a signer of the Declaration of Independence. The two powerful threads of Freedom and Independence embodied both of these families.
I met with the couple several times to prepare the service. The bride gave me a DVD that her grandmother made from the Shoah Foundation; this was a fascinating account of her grandmother’s life in a verbal history. It was so inspiring to watch! I learned that both the bride and groom were tremendous athletes and shared many common interests. They had met in the laundry room of their lower east side building. She was even teaching him Yiddish.
Performing the interfaith ceremony while the sun set on the Statue of Liberty I thought how blessed and fortunate I was to be a part of this incredible July 4th celebration of marriage and of life.
Watch a short video of Sarah & Bobby from Kiss The Bride Films.
Also, check out the lovely wedding website on Carats and Cake.com
And here is the website of the brilliant event planner, “Ang Weddings and Events,” a boutique event planning company founded by Tzo Ai Ang and based in New York City. Ang Weddings and Events
A Rabbi and a Priest Co-officiate in Basking Ridge, N.J.
It was such a pleasure to co-officiate a wonderful interfaith wedding at the Dolce Hotel, in Basking Ridge N.J. The couple, bride Russian Jewish and the Groom Catholic with some Russian blood came to me many months ago and asked if I would co- officiate with the groom’s father’s priest. The father of the groom had attended this church for many years and it was important to have Father Joe present at the ceremony. I agreed and right there in my apartment the four of us set out to create the service. We were able to weave together the unity candle and the Baal Shem Tov’s (father of Hasidism) concept of light. And when it came time for the Sign of Peace I spoke about the concept of Shalom which of course means peace in Hebrew but also involves a spiritual wholeness and peace of mind.
We combined “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” from the Song of Songs King Solomon from the Jewish tradition with the standard vows, “Do you take…..” . Even the Lord’s Prayer was said in the context of the prayers of all people for peace and well being. Father Joe spoke of this sacred prayer to Christianity in the context of the Jewish religion. Indeed he was a lively and warm person who was so easy to work with. The audience and couple responded to our camaraderie and respect for one another. We were relaxed, comfortable with one another and respected each other’s part of the service
The result a comprehensive and beautiful service that presented the best of both faiths in a loving way. So many guests stopped us both after the ceremony to say how moved and delighted they were in weaving it together. It takes, work, enthusiasm and care, but it will be the prototype for more that I will do.
Check out DolceBaskingRidgeCatering.com for wonderful service and attention day of that makes it look easy
A Plaza Hotel Wedding: co-officiating a beautiful interfaith wedding!
I was on the ferry from Montauk, New York to Block Island, Rhode Island two months ago when a call came into my cell. A pleasant male voice asked if I was Rabbi Gloria and then proceeded to tell me his interfaith wedding ceremony, planned for just a few short weeks away, was “rabbi-less.” There was a problem with the rabbi they had formally chosen and they were in need a of substitute to co-officiate. Being free on the date of their marriage, I asked the venue. “The Plaza Hotel in New York City,” he replied, “With about 275 people coming in attendance.”
Fast forward a week: I met with the couple and their friend Wesley who was a Universalist Minister and was to co-officiate. The four of us created a beautiful service and both the bride and Wesley, who were from Taiwan, expressed interest in learning more about Judaism.
I was unprepared for just how intimidating the Plaza Hotel ballroom, where I was to officiate, can be. It was a product of the early part of the 1900s, with soaring ceilings, beautiful woodwork, detailing and amazing balconies. The decorations for the wedding were incredible. Candles everywhere, flowers overflowing and lights illuminating the gold fixtures. The chupah was located on the stage, and we rehearsed as if it were a Broadway production. Lights, audio, video; I truly felt like I was beginning my theatrical career.
But then the moment came: the bride and groom were in front of me – a drop-dead gorgeous woman and her handsome groom. Their warmth and love for one another was so apparent. I concentrated on the spiritual service at hand and felt gratitude that I had been selected to lead this service in such a historic, elegant and magnificent setting.
A Jewish Interfaith Wedding with a South American Feel
A New Jersey couple from different corners of the world met in a restaurant five years ago and it completely changed their lives. He was originally from Jersey, on track to a legal career, following in the footsteps of his father. Living in Washington D.C. to gain experience prior to law school, he started working in a restaurant to earn some extra money. He found he loved it and returned back to Jersey to begin a career in the hospitality business.
The woman was born and raised in Lima, Peru where as long as she can remember, she felt a burning desire to come to America. She struck out on her own, made it to the states, ended up working at the restaurant where the groom worked. The rest is history, as they say.
The venue they chose, pictured above, was in Montclair, called “The Highlawn,“ and was set high in the hills with a view of NYC. It was actually used by General George Washington during the Revolutionary War as a look-out point. I created an interfaith service for them and it was truly magical to witness the participation by her friends and family who were able to come from Peru for the event. The ceremony had a wonderful South American feel. Her grandfather was from a remote town in the mountains of Peru where they still ride donkeys and horses, while here, she is on track to a teaching career in our 21st century world of technology.
It was truly a privilege to officiate at this Jewish interfaith wedding. It was a union of two very diverse cultures. What a great moment it was! After he broke the glass Mazel Tov and Te Feliciato’s was shouted out by all!
You’re engaged! What now? Here’s Rabbi Gloria’s interfaith wedding guide.
Congratulations! You have made the big decision; you are getting married! You come from different backgrounds or perhaps different countries. Your family has accepted/made peace with the decision/ empowered you both/ or is very troubled. Pick the option that fits you or add your own.
Interfaith Wedding Guide
Now the search begins. You need an interfaith wedding guide! How do you find an interfaith wedding officiant? As you may or may not know most synagogue rabbis will not marry an interfaith couple in the synagogue itself. As an independent rabbi in New York City, I know that reform rabbis can, at their discretion, perform the ceremony in an outside venue. Ministers generally will have an easier time than Catholic priests who often have to obtain permission to preside outside of the church. These are generalizations and of course there are many New York City officiants that don’t fit into these categories.
If you know friends or family who have enjoyed a successful interfaith wedding, you should of course ask for recommendations. This is the single best way of knowing who you will work with since the couple is happy with him or her. But if you don’t know anyone from a personal referral, head to the internet.
Armed with your iphone, ipad, laptop, etc. you start searching the net for interfaith officiants. It is important to check out their sites carefully, finding out how long they have been officiating, where they were ordained and of course what their philosophy on marriage and ceremonies is. Hopefully you can see pictures of them in action and testimonials. If any of this resonates with you both you should email or call the person and have a conversation on the phone. That will tell you a lot about the person and also whether you are comfortable with what they say. Are they willing to do a service that is creative and personal to you? Are they comfortable to work with a co-officiant if your fiance wants the other religion represented as well.
Here are additional questions to keep in mind:
- Availability? Spring and summer weddings can be a busy time!
- Do you sense warmth, kindness, connection, spirituality?
- Experience: how many years has the person performed weddings, and are there good testimonials or references on their site?
- Does the officiant accurately reflect and support your spiritual ideals and that of your fiancé? Does he or she have experience working with officiants of other faiths?
- Will he or she meet with you and your fiancé before the wedding day?
- Will the officiant be flexible with regard to the actual ceremony and focus on creating the ceremony that suits you both perfectly?
- Is the wedding officiant warm and helpful during your interaction, whether on the phone or by email?
- Is he or she willing to travel to your wedding location?
- Is the price in your budget? Remember you get what you pay for, and this is one of the most important days of your life. You want to be sure you select someone who is a leader; he or she must be warm, kind, helpful, and able to soothe your nerves and support you.
Next step is meeting the person. You should have an emotional connection with the officiant. After all it is your wedding and you want someone who relates to both of you and listens to you. Listen to your heart. There are many people out there so you can interview a few but go with your gut feeling. Make sure you have a contract that itemizes date, time, fee and is signed by both parties. That way your date is reserved during a busy summer wedding season. You should try and meet together a few times to fashion the service and be comfortable that it is respectful to both faiths.
The right interfaith wedding officiant realizes that couples choose interfaith ceremonies for their spiritually inclusive approach. It is a way of rejoicing in our differences and celebrating our communality in an atmosphere of love and respect. All should come away feeling honored and respected, with his or her uniqueness celebrated.
Try and give yourself as much time before the wedding to do this search. The interfaith ceremony should be the core of your special day and you want to employ the best person for you. All this takes time and some effort on your part but is well worth the time. I have officiated at interfaith weddings the last three years and have helped to make the day magical to many couples.
Happy hunting! And many blessings and great joy to you in your wedded life!
A Snowy Interfaith New York October Wedding
A wonderful couple came to see me about their fall wedding this past year. She was of Russian descent and he was from a Midwestern family with roots in the states. I learned that at the time the bride’s parents were married in Russia they had to do so in secret in a basement. Religion was banished by the government and they wanted a Jewish ceremony They came to this country and her father is now a violinist with a symphony orchestra. Her mother is a cultured and very stylish French teacher.
The venue selected was the Metropolitan Building in Long Island City. It is a turn of the century factory that was renovated but all original flooring, moldings and grand ballroom like spaces kept intact. It overlooks the East River. I especially liked the antique furniture that was placed there by the owner a former antique dealer. The bathroom held a claw footed bathtub, more like a boudoir than a public rest room.
I co officiated with a priest who is charming and funny. We worked seamlessly as a team and at the end of the service he took my hand and we walked down the aisle together. The guests cheered us . The bride’s violinist father played when the couple was circling each other as is a Jewish custom. A friend of the couple’s sang the Sheva Brachot in magnificent voice. It was so wonderful for me to watch the bride’s parents’ faces beam at this grand event. No small basement room wedding but 150 guests toasting
What made the wedding more dramatic was the day of the event there was a freak NYC snowstorm. The weather should have been autumn perfect as the trees were in full splendor of oranges and golds. Instead a fierce Noreaster blanketed the city with several inches of snow. I trudged to the affair in winter boots and heavy ski jacket to protect me from a gale like wind. I changed clothes in the antique bathroom and heard guests telling of their adventures getting to the wedding. Since most of the bride’s parent’s friends were from the West Coast they hadn’t brought very warm clothes.
So what do Russian people do to celebrate a joyous occasion and keep warm in the winter? Drink vodka, eat blini and toast away the night. We all did just that. It will be a memorable wedding for all to remember in many ways.
Same Sex Wedding in Upper Manhattan
A colleague of mine recommended that two women call me to arrange for a same sex wedding in NYC. They had such an interesting story. They had both been previously married and were living in the mountain area of North Carolina. Their common work field was speech pathology. I spoke to each of them and we started working on the service. They were raising two boys, 9 and 7, who were going to be the ring bearers. The 20-something daughter of one of the women was an actress in the city who they decided would read the English version of the Sheva Brachot. Her boyfriend, an actor, was the videographer.
As luck would have it the brother of the bride owned a restaurant in Inwood where a small group of about 20 friends and family assembled. With the strains of Frank Sinatra in the background as part of the restaurant vibe, I conducted a ceremony and declared them Wife and Wife. They spoke the vows they had written, then broke two glasses, and many tears and laughter were a part of this special service!
Before the meal began we celebrated Shabbat together with candle lighting, prayer over the bread and wine and I blessed all present. I stayed for a wonderful dinner and they presented me with a beautiful gift of handicrafted slate and wood that a craftsman from the town had done. As i rode back downtown on the A-train their warmth and love pervaded me.
Mazel Tov and Best Wishes to them!
A Baby Naming Ceremony! My Brides and Grooms Having Children.
I love to see my brides and grooms having children!
I officiated at the interfaith wedding, two years ago, of two lawyers. One was brought up Catholic, the other one Jewish. I co-officiated with a wonderful Catholic priest, Father Tom who had been the family priest. We worked on the service with the bride and groom and it was warm, witty and personal. Even the day’s weather cooperated at sunset on a rooftop in Tribeca. I got to know both sets of parents and felt that the families welcomed me into the event.
How amazing it was when I received the email from the bride that she had a little girl some months back and wanted me to do a baby-naming ceremony with the priest. It was Father Tom and I again at a historic building in Park Slope this winter. We had the opportunity to plan an interfaith baby-naming and it was my first one. I visited the couple who lived in a former church converted into a condo in Brooklyn. The sun through the stain glass windows and the soaring ceilings made it a magical place. They had much input deciding to do blessings themselves and give honors to their parents and grandparents. Tom and I filled in the blanks with prayers and blessings ourselves. The ceremony was enjoyed by Emily their daughter of seven months. She didn’t cry through the whole thing, so I guess we did something right.
I find myself fortunate to connect with my past brides and grooms and be at these wonderful events of the next generation they have produced. The fact that another officiant can work with me to produce a spiritual inclusive service is something I am proud of.
Lovely review from a lovely bride on WeddingWire!
I co-officiated a wonderful interfaith wedding this fall at the Dolce Hotel, in Basking Ridge N.J. Renata, the beautiful bride, wrote me a very nice review in Wedding Wire, and I do appreciate it!
Her words from Weddingwire.com: “My ceremony was co-officiated by Rabbi Milner and she did a fantastic job! Rabbi Milner took the time to listen and meet with my now-husband and me and created a beautiful ceremony for us. I think by-far, the ceremony was the best part of my wedding and Rabbi Milner helped bring it about! Thank you, Rabbi Milner. I would recommend Rabbi Milner for a co-officiated Jewish ceremony.”
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Many thanks, Renata!
Here is the blog: It was such a pleasure to co-officiate a wonderful interfaith wedding this past weekend at the Dolce Hotel, in Basking Ridge N.J. The couple, bride Russian Jewish and the Groom Catholic with some Russian blood came to me many months ago and asked if I would co- officiate with the groom’s father’s priest. The father of the groom had attended this church for many years and it was important to have Father Joe present at the ceremony. I agreed and right there in my apartment the four of us set out to create the service. We were able to weave together the unity candle and the Baal Shem Tov’s (father of Hasidism) concept of light. And when it came time for the Sign of Peace I spoke about the concept of Shalom which of course means peace in Hebrew but also involves a spiritual wholeness and peace of mind. READ MORE
It was such a pleasure to co-officiate a wonderful interfaith wedding this past weekend at the Dolce Hotel, in Basking Ridge N.J.