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Down on the Farm with an Interfaith Wedding

September 12, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A Boston-based couple called me to officiate their interfaith wedding. They decided to take over a ten-acre farm and hold the ceremony and reception in a restored barn. The cottages on the acres had been remodeled and were exquisite, as was the main farmhouse. The barn was huge and beautifully beamed.

I happen to have a brother who lives near Boston, so in visiting him, I met with the couple twice in their loft apartment. Then they came down to New York to visit relatives, so we had opportunities to establish a good relationship. They were both tech managers: brilliant, hard-working, and on an intensive traveling schedule. They had been together for several years, and their ease together was apparent. Not only that, but they were tremendous foodies as well, and I loved hearing about their latest culinary adventures.

The farm was close to Lenox Massachusetts, which is a beautiful village in the Berkshires. I came up the night before the ceremony and met both families at a local bar. Everyone was so friendly and welcoming. We had written the service to include a reading by the bride’s aunt from Mark Twain on marriage. The groom’s uncle did a John Lennon reading of the song Love.

After the ceremony, there was an 8-piece band rocking the night away. I danced and celebrated with them, and the barn atmosphere made it feel “down home” and comfortable. They had it catered, and of course, the BBQ, Mac and Cheese, and salads were to die for. Their food expertise showed.

It was one of the warmest and most loving weddings. Walking the beautiful grounds, having the ceremony in a rustic, elegant farm, and eating and drinking first class made it all very special. The couple’s infectious warmth and friendship made it most memorable indeed.

Interfaith Officiants in New York Work Together to Fashion a Wonderful Wedding Ceremony

August 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Co-officiating an interfaith wedding

In the last year or two it has become common for interfaith marriages to involve two officiants working together to create a wonderful wedding. The bride and the groom each wants to feel that his or her religion is represented and respected.

I have worked with a number of priests over the last few years and always can call on one of them if the couple needs a Christian clergyman. I make a point if getting to know them as people so our relationship is open and easy.

I usually take responsibility for organizing meetings with the couple and the officiant using my Manhattan apartment as a meeting place. When co-officiating an interfaith wedding, these meetings are key. We discuss elements of each religion’s service and script the wedding ceremony. We try and find commonality between the religions and make sure every concern is met.

As a rabbi, co-officiating with a priest is a magical experience. During the marriage ceremony we support one another and even do the pronouncement and benediction together.

One example this team spirit is an upcoming wedding I will co-officiate with a priest this fall at the New York Athletic Club. This is an amazing coming together of interfaith officiants in New York for a magical wedding. The couple, groom Jewish and bride Catholic, contacted me with the Catholic officiant already in place. He was the priest at the church in the town her parents live and she knew him from that connection. He also was active in the New York City community training priests as he had been trained.

I contacted him and we enjoyed a lively and helpful telephone conversation. Then I suggested the couple spend time with him to work out the aspects of the Catholic service they wanted to include in our ceremony.

When the time came for the meeting of the four of us, I hosted in my Manhattan apartment. The priest was due to arrive before the couple; it is important that the two officiants develop this chemistry and commonality of viewpoint before meeting with the couple. In walked a tall, dark and handsome man in his 40s with a twinkle in his eye, and the co-officiation of priest and rabbi had officially begun! We spent some time discussing the aspects of the religious service we would be comfortable with.

The couple arrived about 40 minutes later and we proceeded to script the service. Since the bride is a practicing Catholic she had fairly definite ideas of what she wanted included. We had to work with the language a bit since “Let us Pray,” as an opening of the service, would be foreign to any Jewish person. We also decided to eliminate breaking the glass at the closing, as that would so obviously be a Jewish custom. We chose readings that would bring the two religions together and decided the priest and I would bless the couple together at the end of the service.

After about an hour of discussion we all felt that a respectful service to both religions was achieved. We will meet again closer to the wedding to finalize details. That amount of work and dedication is vital to produce a personal and dual interfaith service. But there is no easy way to achieve it, and I am grateful for the couple’s openness and the priest’s hard work with me.

It is so rewarding and so thrilling to experience this respectful blending of faiths. I can’t wait for the wedding ceremony, and the moment I walk down the aisle arm and arm with the priest.

An Interfaith Wedding Destination: A Magical Island!

July 12, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple, one from the Catholic faith and the other Jewish had vacationed together on Block Island for years. They met in high school, dated throughout college and decided after taking “time outs” along the way that they were right for each other. I met with them a number of times at their apartment and mine in Manhattan. We constructed the service, talked about marriage and religion for their children. They wanted a Christian co-officiant and I was successful in reaching out to a Pastor on the island.

We crafted the service for this interfaith wedding with the pastor on a four-way conference call and I knew it would be special. He was a Princeton graduate who had been raised by missionary parents doing their work in Japan. His spirituality was in his blood. He even let me practice my classical piano for a recital on the baby grand piano in his church.

Block Island is a charmer off the coast of Rhode Island. It is family-friendly, and small enough to be negotiated with moped or bicycle. Ferries are the only means of transportation there which discourages people from bringing cars. The old Victorian Bed and Breakfasts and grand hotels dot the bluffs and town streets and the Spring House Hotel, where we were, was wonderful. The beaches are pristine and beautiful and the weather hot and perfect for swimming.

The service exceeded my expectations. The Pastor and I locked arms and walked down the aisle together setting a communal tone. He started off talking about religious freedom in Rhode Island and of the oldest synagogue in America located in Newport. I wove in the Jewish prayers, including circling and the Seven Blessings. He spoke about the Book of Ruth- an intermarriage that led to her descendant, the famous King David. I read some pieces the bride and groom had written about each other and tears and laughter filled the audience. This all took place in a gorgeous historic inn on the grass overlooking the water.

How lucky I was to have been to officiate in paradise and meet some wonderful new friends . After the service one man came up to me and said “you should be on television, the two of you together are magical.” How much better could the praise be?

Check out the wonderful catering deparment and Danielle an enthusiastic and organized wedding planner at the hotel. I can highly recommend her. You can reach her at www.Danielle@SpringHouseHotel.com

An Interfaith Wedding on Shelter Island – Two Sailing Companions in Love!

July 7, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A rabbinic colleague of mine recommended a couple to me, who were planning their interfaith wedding ceremony for the end of June this year. They were currently living in Michigan, but had met in college in the East, on the first day of sailing tryouts their freshman year. Both had boats and sailing filled a great deal of their pasts.

Starting off as very good friends, it soon developed into love, and they moved out to Michigan where he had grown up, and where his family still lived.

A Shelter Island Wedding

The bride’s grandmother owned a house in Shelter Island where she spent summers sailing so it was a natural and wonderful idea to hold the wedding there. The couple used an amazing house and grounds belonging to one of the grandmother’s friends. Perched high on a hill overlooking the water, the house was nestled in many acres of grassy lawn with beautiful trees surrounding it. The ceremony and chuppah faced the water; this wedding was simply one of the most picturesque I have ever been fortunate enough to officiate. A tent was set up for the reception and a wonderful band entertained.

The bride’s and groom’s mothers had become best friends through their years of courtship, even vacationing together. When I spoke of the two traditions and families blending together I offered this actual proof as it was embodied in their relationships. This warm and generous family extended their hospitality to me, inviting me to both the rehearsal dinner and the reception.

The picture I feature here, below, is of the grandmother and her boyfriend shows up her prior model features and her striking beauty. She and her new boyfriend had both lost spouses of 50 years and clearly were in love. This combination of older and young love made this a particularly magical and touching wedding.

The beautiful grandmother and her new love

Destination Wedding in Paradise

May 16, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Turks and Caicos was the magical setting for a group of 50 family and friends participating in the wedding of Jodi and Brad that I officiated at the end of April. Jodi being an event planner in her day job perfected every detail of the wedding from the colors of the wedding party to the beach barbeque the night before and the barefoot beach ceremony at sunset.

I felt immediately welcomed by their friends all of whom had many years connection with them and were ecstatic to be there. Brad is an outgoing, compassionate and loving man and someone who knows how to enjoy life. His friends loved to party with him in the past and wasted no time doing the same that weekend. Jodi’s close women friends were loyal and adoring of her- eager to make sure this wedding would be special. Speeches at the reception and beach picnic by friends and family showed how respected and loved this couple is.

Jodi’s parents had divorced over 25 years ago and both remarried. The two new sets of couple parents got along with each other like long lost friends. It was amazing to see and admire these couples treating each other and Jodi and Brad with attention, love and affection. They were solicitous of me as well and wanted to make sure I was having a good time and made me part of this extended family.

After the reception night which had much dancing, drinking and photo ops we all met for brunch the next day. I made many new friends and the sun, sea and sand brought out the best in everyone. How lucky I was to be on this island officiating the wedding of two wonderful people.

Off to the Races at a Saratoga Wedding

May 7, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

The beautiful and picturesque town of Saratoga has long been a retreat for health and sports with its mineral springs and horse racing in August. FDR had come there for the baths, suffering from polio. In fact, the venue for the wedding I officiated was located inside 2000 acres of parkland dedicated during FDR’s term in office for the public to hike, camp, picnic, and enjoy nature.

The rehearsal dinner was held at the track, but it was only July. What was this about? I learned that the trotters run in July, in preparation for the season opening. How exciting to have this wonderful buffet trackside and watch beautiful horses round the bend.

The next day dawned bright and sunny and was one of the many heat wave days July brought us this summer. But a 5 pm start and lots of Saratoga water in blue bottles did the trick for the guests. I co-officiated with a local minister after working with him and the couple to write the service over several months. It went off lovingly.

A visit to Saratoga is not complete without a tour of the baths. The local bus driver drove a number of us staying at the hotel around, and we saw and tasted the mineral waters. Then we saw the spa/bath facilities, which are booked weeks in advance. Refreshed spiritually and physically and with a few dollars still in my pocket, I returned to NYC.

A Priest and a Rabbi Co-Officiate a Wedding Ceremony in Puerto Rico

May 2, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

This spring I flew down to Puerto Rico to co-officate the wedding ceremony of a woman who met her man at Duke University 9 years ago. She was from a small town in Puerto Rico, raised Catholic and ended up being a brililant geneticist with a PhD. She met her husband to be at graduate school at Duke where he was going to law school. He was from a conservative Jewish home with a father who was raised Orthodox. During those 9 years they were apart a good amount as he was working in South America, and he learned Spanish as well as Portugese. They decided to marry and do the destination wedding so that her family could all attend.

The priest that they selected was originally born in the Bronx and came to Puerto Rico when he was seven years old. He was warm and welcoming and his first words to the congregation unsolicited by me were “Shabbat Shalom” And then he proceeded to explain the meaning of the word Shalom to those in the audience that were not familiar with it. With the couple’s help he put together a program of the service in Spanish, English and then i added the Hebrew. So we were officiating in three languages.

When it came time for the Kiddish prayer he handed me the kiddish cup without my asking him and made it seem as natural as if he was conducting mass. I said a few words about him and his congregation and we worked together on the blessings and the readings. At the end of the service we embraced the couple and each other and i stayed a while to speak to him about his parrish and his work. It was wonderful how seamless the service was and how whatever rituals and prayers we did from both religions flowed naturally.

Blessings and peace,

Rabbi Gloria Milner

Central Park Wedding in Bloom: Rabbi Gloria Officiates An Interfaith Marriage

April 28, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple contacted me from Miami to do a wedding at the Central Park Conservatory Garden in April this year. They had met 11 years before and their paths had gone in separate directions. After reconnecting it didn’t take long for the groom to say “This is the woman I want to marry.”

They got engaged in Central Park and decided they also wanted to get married there so they could return and relive the moment. It was an interfaith marriage ceremony and the groom’s father wanted to read from Corinthians which we put in as part of the service.

The prior day was cold and rainy and the day of their wedding was cloudy in the morning but by the time the ceremony was due to start the sun started peeking out of the clouds. The Conservatory Garden at 105th and 5th Ave is a public space that the couple rented. In full bloom, the cherry trees and flowers were exquisite in their pinks and whites.

The small group of people assembled was relaxed and warm; there was a laid back, relaxed feeling to the event. Because it was a public space we had as many onlookers as guests at the ceremony. I felt as though I had performed a wedding for many more people than the ones invited. There is nothing more gorgeous than a Central Park wedding in bloom; it was a truly beautiful day!

An appreciative bride and groom made my job a delight and I can’t wait to visit Miami and catch up with them.

What is the “Chuppah” in a Jewish Wedding Ceremony?

March 19, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

The beautiful and unique “chuppah,” from the Hebrew word, חוּפָּה, is one of the most recognizable parts of a Jewish wedding ceremony. The chuppah symbolizes the new home that the couple will share as husband and wife, and consists of a canopy attached to four poles which are either stationary or held by chuppah bearers. This canopy is often gorgeous, made of beautifully colored velvet, lace, tulle, or even silk. It is sometimes covered by a Jewish prayer shawl, known as a tallit.

During a Jewish wedding ceremony, the bride and groom stand under the chuppah. Just as Abraham and Sarah’s tent was open on all sides to welcome people, the chuppah also represents hospitality to the couple’s guests. In a spiritual sense, the canopy over the chuppah symbolizes God’s presence over the covenant of marriage.

Since in Orthodox Judaism, it is ideal that there open sky directly above the chuppah, wedding ceremonies are often held outdoors.

It is a wonderful experience, for me as a Rabbi, to be part of this beautiful tradition. Under the chuppah are wine, cups and a glass that will be broken. I recite blessings and prayers, oversee the giving of the ring or rings, and share aloud the Ketubah, a type of Jewish prenuptial agreement, outling the rights and responsibilities of the groom, in relation to the bride. I may read poetry and lead the couple in the vows they have chosen.

It is a thrilling and almost mystical experience to help orchestrate these moments, combining two lives in such a traditional and powerful way.

Interfaith Wedding: How Two Religions Can Coexist in a Moment of Time

January 15, 2015 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Two months ago a couple came to me and said they are getting married in a short period of time and could I do the wedding. He was an Israeli-born man, living in New York and not affiliated with any synagogue. His wife-to-be was from California but lived in many places in the world, including a 4-year stint in South Korea, where she taught English. She was brought up a Christian, but did not practice. They had tried to find a rabbi to marry them, but most had turned them down due to the interfaith nature of the marriage. They then chose the Ethical Culture Society in New York City, which embodied their values to hold the service.

I worked with them in my apartment to fashion the service and found out that the bride’s parents and relatives had embraced Fundamentalist Christianity. She said that they were really signed on to Judaism as the “Old Testament,” and the Torah was very important to them. They were familiar with all the stories and history of the matriarchs and patriarchs of Judaism. I thought it would be interesting to have Christian people so involved with some of the prayers I would speak about on the wedding day.

The groom had arranged for an amazing traditional Jewish ceremony that could harken back to the European small villages throughout the centuries. When guests arrived, a Klezmer band was playing all the traditional Yiddish melodies. He had selected the family of the bride to be the carriers of the Chupah- one on each side of the four poles. They were grateful to have this honor. The Israeli family who flew in from Israel for the wedding did the Kiddish, Sheckyanu and the Seven wedding blessings. The mother of the bride did a Christian prayer, and all were under the chuppah together.

The bride’s niece was speaking to me before the service, a lovely girl of 8, all dressed up. She explained this was her first wedding- and it was a Jewish wedding, something she never expected to attend. She asked me who I was, and I said I was the rabbi. She said, “Where is your black coat and black hat ?” I explained that it was a tradition among very religious Jews, and that only men wore them. She was very excited to meet a rabbi and told me she was going home in a day or two and would write an essay about what a wonderful experience she had at this wedding. Out of the mouths of babes sometimes come amazing truths and questions. I thought to myself how beautifully the two families got along, and I wished life could be seamless among different religions. I guess we have to settle for a few moments of beauty.