Jewish Ceremony in New York

A Plaza Hotel Wedding: co-officiating a beautiful interfaith wedding!

August 13, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

I was on the ferry from Montauk, New York to Block Island, Rhode Island two months ago when a call came into my cell. A pleasant male voice asked if I was Rabbi Gloria and then proceeded to tell me his interfaith wedding ceremony, planned for just a few short weeks away, was “rabbi-less.” There was a problem with the rabbi they had formally chosen and they were in need a of substitute to co-officiate. Being free on the date of their marriage, I asked the venue. “The Plaza Hotel in New York City,” he replied, “With about 275 people coming in attendance.”

Fast forward a week: I met with the couple and their friend Wesley who was a Universalist Minister and was to co-officiate. The four of us created a beautiful service and both the bride and Wesley, who were from Taiwan, expressed interest in learning more about Judaism.

I was unprepared for just how intimidating the Plaza Hotel ballroom, where I was to officiate, can be. It was a product of the early part of the 1900s, with soaring ceilings, beautiful woodwork, detailing and amazing balconies. The decorations for the wedding were incredible. Candles everywhere, flowers overflowing and lights illuminating the gold fixtures. The chupah was located on the stage, and we rehearsed as if it were a Broadway production. Lights, audio, video; I truly felt like I was beginning my theatrical career.

But then the moment came: the bride and groom were in front of me – a drop-dead gorgeous woman and her handsome groom. Their warmth and love for one another was so apparent. I concentrated on the spiritual service at hand and felt gratitude that I had been selected to lead this service in such a historic, elegant and magnificent setting.

A Jewish Interfaith Wedding with a South American Feel

July 30, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A New Jersey couple from different corners of the world met in a restaurant five years ago and it completely changed their lives. He was originally from Jersey, on track to a legal career, following in the footsteps of his father. Living in Washington D.C. to gain experience prior to law school, he started working in a restaurant to earn some extra money. He found he loved it and returned back to Jersey to begin a career in the hospitality business.

The woman was born and raised in Lima, Peru where as long as she can remember, she felt a burning desire to come to America. She struck out on her own, made it to the states, ended up working at the restaurant where the groom worked. The rest is history, as they say.

The venue they chose, pictured above, was in Montclair, called “The Highlawn,“ and was set high in the hills with a view of NYC. It was actually used by General George Washington during the Revolutionary War as a look-out point. I created an interfaith service for them and it was truly magical to witness the participation by her friends and family who were able to come from Peru for the event. The ceremony had a wonderful South American feel. Her grandfather was from a remote town in the mountains of Peru where they still ride donkeys and horses, while here, she is on track to a teaching career in our 21st century world of technology.

It was truly a privilege to officiate at this Jewish interfaith wedding. It was a union of two very diverse cultures. What a great moment it was! After he broke the glass Mazel Tov and Te Feliciato’s was shouted out by all!

You’re engaged! What now? Here’s Rabbi Gloria’s interfaith wedding guide.

June 10, 2014 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Congratulations! You have made the big decision; you are getting married! You come from different backgrounds or perhaps different countries. Your family has accepted/made peace with the decision/ empowered you both/ or is very troubled. Pick the option that fits you or add your own.

Interfaith Wedding Guide

Now the search begins. You need an interfaith wedding guide! How do you find an interfaith wedding officiant? As you may or may not know most synagogue rabbis will not marry an interfaith couple in the synagogue itself. As an independent rabbi in New York City, I know that reform rabbis can, at their discretion, perform the ceremony in an outside venue. Ministers generally will have an easier time than Catholic priests who often have to obtain permission to preside outside of the church. These are generalizations and of course there are many New York City officiants that don’t fit into these categories.

If you know friends or family who have enjoyed a successful interfaith wedding, you should of course ask for recommendations. This is the single best way of knowing who you will work with since the couple is happy with him or her. But if you don’t know anyone from a personal referral, head to the internet.

Armed with your iphone, ipad, laptop, etc. you start searching the net for interfaith officiants. It is important to check out their sites carefully, finding out how long they have been officiating, where they were ordained and of course what their philosophy on marriage and ceremonies is. Hopefully you can see pictures of them in action and testimonials. If any of this resonates with you both you should email or call the person and have a conversation on the phone. That will tell you a lot about the person and also whether you are comfortable with what they say. Are they willing to do a service that is creative and personal to you? Are they comfortable to work with a co-officiant if your fiance wants the other religion represented as well.

Here are additional questions to keep in mind:

Availability? Spring and summer weddings can be a busy time!
Do you sense warmth, kindness, connection, spirituality?
Experience: how many years has the person performed weddings, and are there good testimonials or references on their site?
Does the officiant accurately reflect and support your spiritual ideals and that of your fiancé? Does he or she have experience working with officiants of other faiths?
Will he or she meet with you and your fiancé before the wedding day?
Will the officiant be flexible with regard to the actual ceremony and focus on creating the ceremony that suits you both perfectly?
Is the wedding officiant warm and helpful during your interaction, whether on the phone or by email?
Is he or she willing to travel to your wedding location?
Is the price in your budget? Remember you get what you pay for, and this is one of the most important days of your life. You want to be sure you select someone who is a leader; he or she must be warm, kind, helpful, and able to soothe your nerves and support you.

Next step is meeting the person. You should have an emotional connection with the officiant. After all it is your wedding and you want someone who relates to both of you and listens to you. Listen to your heart. There are many people out there so you can interview a few but go with your gut feeling. Make sure you have a contract that itemizes date, time, fee and is signed by both parties. That way your date is reserved during a busy summer wedding season. You should try and meet together a few times to fashion the service and be comfortable that it is respectful to both faiths.

Maldives, Sunset, Wedding, Bride, Tropical, Island

The right interfaith wedding officiant realizes that couples choose interfaith ceremonies for their spiritually inclusive approach. It is a way of rejoicing in our differences and celebrating our communality in an atmosphere of love and respect. All should come away feeling honored and respected, with his or her uniqueness celebrated.

Try and give yourself as much time before the wedding to do this search. The interfaith ceremony should be the core of your special day and you want to employ the best person for you. All this takes time and some effort on your part but is well worth the time. I have officiated at interfaith weddings the last three years and have helped to make the day magical to many couples.

Happy hunting! And many blessings and great joy to you in your wedded life!

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A Jewish Fall Fantasy Wedding

October 23, 2012 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

Two Cornell law school graduates contacted me almost a year ago to plan their Jewish fall fantasy wedding for October this year. They met at the law school and both were enamored of the fall season particularly beautiful upstate New York, where there is colorful foliage, apple picking, pumpkins and crisp clear air. They planned to have the wedding near Cornell, near the Finger Lakes.

We met at their Hoboken apartment and I was introduced to their dog-child: an adorable Welsh terrier who was to walk down the aisle.

Since I enjoy destination weddings, I came up the day before their ceremony and helped with the rehearsal. The groom, from Tennessee, had many relatives there already. They had rented a lovely house for family to stay in and did the rehearsal in the back of the house. Afterwards the rehearsal dinner reminded me of my own college days with large amounts of pizza and beer to go around.

The day of the wedding was unseasonably warm – over 70 degrees – and all the trees glistened in the sun’s rays. They had picked a venue: The FountainBleu Inn, which was a lovingly restored, 1815 country inn with authentic antiques and beautiful grounds. The wedding was on the grass overlooking a lake. The chupah and chairs faced the water and a panoply of multicolored trees. The bride planned every detail of this herself while working at a high pressure law job in NYC. How amazing was that?

When it came time for the bride and groom to do their vows they prepared speeches about themselves. The words spoken to each other were so moving and heartfelt that both bride, groom and audience were reduced to tears. We also did the Hebrew vow from the Song of Songs King Solomon. There were readings, circling in the Jewish tradition and breaking the glass. They danced up the aisle after the end of the ceremony and frolicked with their dog on the acres of grass. We were treated to a beautiful sunset as well.

I stayed for a wonderful reception. Lots of dancing and warmth abounded. The groom danced with his mother to L0uis Armstrong’s “It’s a wonderful world” which for this day in time it certainly was. They even treated me to a stay at the Inn on Columbia, an amazing upscale restored home with an owner who was my personal chef the morning after. Regretfully I left to return to NYC.

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The pictures above were taken by the wedding’s wonderful photographer, Anna Simonak. Many thanks to her for the use of these shots!

You can see her beautiful work here: Asimonak.smugmug.com

Prospect Park Brooklyn hosts a magical interfaith wedding ceremony

September 5, 2012 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A bride contacted me a few months ago about officiating a small interfaith wedding ceremony in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, Labor Day weekend. The couple had been together 10 years, engaged one year. All their family and friends were asking “so what is taking you so long?” The time was right and I met with them in my apartment to plan the service. The groom was Jamaican and the bride Russian Jewish. The groom was open to an almost entirely Jewish wedding ceremony.

They lived and played in Brooklyn and loved the park. I went there a few weeks ago before the wedding to look at the site in the park they had picked. A small clearing overlooking the lake. Private and quiet. The rules of the park were you could have no more than 25 people in attendance and so it was an intimate group.

The hand-held chupah and doing it open air were throwbacks to the traditional Jewish weddings in Europe many centuries ago. The groom’s sister read the Sheckyanu prayer transliterated and it was wonderful to see this slight black woman repeating the Hebrew. All their friends representing many nations and races participated in the Sheva Brachot. The feeling at that service was one of warmth, inclusiveness and joy for the couple. Life in this twenty first century should only be this wonderful.

Afterward at the reception in a Williamsburg restaurant overlooking the Manhattan skyline I spent time getting to know their friends and family: a former correction officer at Rikers Island now working as an extra in the movies, a Burmese woman who is a resident in internal medicine at a hospital in Brooklyn, and the photographer, a lively black woman Michelle Etwaroo was talented and user friendly to the couple and me. And she was funny! Instead of saying cheese for the posing she said Mazel Tov! Check out her website, www.MichelleEtwaroo.com when you get a chance.

I can only say that I returned home filled with gratitude that I could participate in the best New York can be in the vibrancy and wonder of all peoples joining together.

A Poetic, Interfaith Wedding on the Chelsea Pier

August 29, 2012 by Rabbi Gloria Milner

A couple came to me for their interfaith wedding, who had researched and rejected many rabbis they interviewed. They had known each other many years and were living in Manhattan. She had grown up in Israel and he was from the States raised in the Christian faith. They had definite ideas about the ceremony and service and we set about fashioning the service in my apartment during a number of meetings. They had decided to marry on the Chelsea Pier in New York.

It struck me after the second or third meeting that aside from the structure of the Jewish wedding ceremony that had certain prayers and rituals that they were going to teach me some things about poetry and vows that I hadn’t known. Sure enough they came up with three different English translations of the Seven Wedding Blessings (Sheva Brachot) and went with the most poetic and beautiful one

They had a number of friends who were participating in the service and read poems by Denise Levertov, a modern poet and one by Ann Bradstreet who went back to the colonial days. The most creative reading was by A.A. Milne “Us Two” which of course involved Pooh. The last few lines of this were beautiful and relevant to the wedding and the two people getting married. They were “It isn’t much fun for One, but Two Can stick together,” says Pooh, says he. That’s how it is,” says Pooh.

I admired the ease at which this couple related to one another. They supported each other and had a kindness and compassion that I rarely find. It is as if the words of this poem and their joy in being together were one.